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Rainbows: Grief, Gratitude & Great Promises

Updated: Jun 27, 2022

As many know, The Lion's Gate Portal Opens today, August 8, 2021 and it's energy will be malleable for us until August 12, 2021.

That being said, I want to share some exciting news with anyone reading this! My experimental album DREAMLAND VOL 1. is back in the works! My team and I are gearing up to release the first single "Rainbows" next month (i know, I'm telling you early.) When I get the official release date for the song, believe me, everyone will know. Anyway, I'm writing this blog to catch fans/friends/new listeners up on all things DREAMLAND.

So, What is DREAMLAND ?

DREAMLAND is my life's work. I have been studying my dreams since I was a child. My siblings and I would wake in the morning and exchange stories of adventure, terror, or fantasy. It was it's own homemade psychotherapy before I'd ever heard of the field. I kept a dream journal too and I still do. Getting my Bachelor's of Science in psychology sent me even further down this rabbit hole. Dream interpretation is a really underrated science. There is much magic to it and I believe that combining this power with the alchemical nature of our relationship to music (that is, humanity's) can really help heal the human collective and so, our Earth too.

Spring of 2019, I was blessed enough to be laid off from my teaching job and given a hefty severance package. I used the money to move to Portland, Oregon and continued working there as a nanny and free lance painter. I had a lot of free time and space that spring/summer. At first, I was really depressed and homesick despite knowing that it was a good thing for me to be in a new place, away from my tumultuous past...away from memories that haunted me in my home state/town. I should have been happy, you know? I was making really good money. I lived in a huge house in Beaverton Hills. But something was wrong, something had been severed internally. It was more than loneliness. So, I started practicing trials of hypnotherapy on myself while writing and painting. That's how DREAMLAND VOL 1, was born. That's what were working-- well , reworking now. I released a version of the album summer 2020, I believe wasn't right. Something I discovered during my hypnotherapy trials was that I had been dreaming of the same boy since I was a child. I learned the same thing happened to my father with my mother. He dreamt of her his whole life before they ever met. So, I became a bit obsessed, I suppose, with only nurturing this dream relationship. I thought I could use magic through the first batch of DREAMLAND songs, to summon him to me in real life. I did. But, there were other interferences and it just wasn't meant to be.

At least not at that time. Because of some pretty massive traumas I endured at the very beginning of my studies in Portland, DREAMLAND became more of a tool for escapism than therapy/finding truth. So I had to take time to really ground myself in my tangible reality so that I could heal and I took the album down from all listening platforms.

But, the disconnect...the internal "somethings wrong" was something I couldn't mute or get away from, not even in DREAMLAND. By fall of 2020 I'd realized I needed to go back but to find my true self, to re-establish connection with my own soul. I'd realized in Portland that that's what was missing. My soul. I was missing. So, now, I'm here...I found me and my divine purpose and that's really rad. It's all very beautiful. My love for this boy from DREAMLAND, became a love for myself and humanity. Agape love. Truly, this journey is something I feel can only be properly documented and experienced through music. I also believe that I'm not the only one who has ever felt that soul disconnect. Especially when the various dangers of systemic oppression are taken into account on both a macro and micro level.

So many people, so many souls suffer on our planet. But in all my studies I've learned a few secrets of the soul, my own and the collective. For example, a torus is a geometric shape. It can be manipulated with sound. I've seen it for myself. The human biofield, the human soul, The Earth, our universe are all toroidal in shape. Imagine if someone could sing your soul into a healed state. That is what I want DREAMLAND to be for everyone. That was it's purpose all along.

What about Rainbows?

Rainbows is the first single from Path to Penthos and I'm really excited to release it. It’s my first single in a really long time. I stepped away for a while to grow up and heal. July eleventh will be a special day for me.

I recently had a few dreams about my relationship to my innerchild and my biological parents. I've really been growing away from some of the traumas that happened in my early childhood with my mother & father. Some of which were the first ones that really muddled my vision of myself and were the catalyst for the loss of my soul self for so long. Rainbows are a symbol of promise. Light after the storm. Many times throughout life I have waited for different people to fulfill their promises, and be that light for me. But the storm just kept on raging. Rainbows is a song about deep grief, gratitude, and great promise. Essentially what I'm saying in this song is "keep your promises. I don't need them. I've made a rainbow of my own." I really can't wait for people to hear it. I wrote the music too which is new for me, aside from Shades of Blue, a demo tape I made in my room and released Summer 2020, as a way to explore my connection to Dreamboy , and stay sober during quarantine. I'm much better at guitar now. You can listen to it here, if you'd like:

Anyway, in one of the dreams there was a very sweet and playful reuniting between my inner child and my adult self. I woke up crying because I knew exactly what it meant and I was really happy. I wont tell you too much because we are saving it for the music video.

Will the video be a re-enactment of the dream?


I'm really hoping my friend who was in it will say yes to being in the video. My

psyche knows that my inner kid feels safe with him. So, he shows up often. But, yes. I will be a re-enactment with some other ideas thrown in. I'm really letting my innerchild take the wheel with how I'm approaching it. Like...we're still in a pandemic so space is limited and being non binary I don't always feel safe navigating cis-dominated creative spaces. I'm lucky this time because most of the dream was outside, haha. But, my little self came up with the idea to build the rest of the set in my closet at home. Which is going to be it's own journey. We're really excited about it. We want it to look like the set of an elementary school play. Little me is really geeked about that. I want to share every bit of this with you all. So, as I'm building I'll be filming it all and creating a miniseries called Talking To My Self, where my little self and I dig a little deeper into what this song means to us. The last episode is set to release Tuesday, June 28, for my birthday.

- 🌷


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