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The last of a mini series titled “To Be With You Is To Be With God”

The series includes three paintings documenting my feelings for a lover I no longer call my own.

After losing a man I loved very very deeply I was in a lot of pain. I don’t think I’ve experienced this much grief since my mid twenties, maybe. I’m thirty now. His absence still stings. Around the time I ended things (I had too), I’d also been studying blood magic and epigenetic trauma. An oracle told me that some of my relationship cycles weren’t mine to start. Shortly after that I got my first period since sleeping with him last and I thought “I wonder how many more cycles I’ll have, before I could

be sure thag my daughters wouldn’t be born with all the grief you gave me.” Spirit body said 6.

The figure central to the painting contains menstrual blood from the fifth cycle, since his absence. My sixth cycle began just after I finished this painting.

December 27, 2023. Six blood moon cycles and three painting to get free of you, pretty peacock.

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